lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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