I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
