Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
