Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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