drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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