I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize