How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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