omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
