the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
