please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
