he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
