he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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