ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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