Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
