i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
