People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
