Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
