He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
