I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
