Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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