Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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