Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
