Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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