Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
