I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
