everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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