You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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