I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
