'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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