i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
