im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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