He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
