Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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