You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
