She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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