Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize