i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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