Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize