pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
