We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
