great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
