farters have to be the big spoon...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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