Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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