Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
