You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
