the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
