my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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