I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
