when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm passing your future prison.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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