does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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