so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
