Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
