I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
