I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
