I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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