mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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