dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
