Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
