I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
