mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
