Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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