So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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