My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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