If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
