Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
