She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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