You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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