question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
