My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize