Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
