Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
