I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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