True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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