That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
