all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
