He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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