did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize