My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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