I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
