I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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