By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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