A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
