I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize