then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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