i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
