Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
